Disappointment

Today i started to freak out about how i wouldn’t get in any university. The first thought that came was ‘how disappointed my father will be’. That’s right.

Not family, my parents or mother. Just my father. My dad. He is always strict with me, since my mom and i moved to live with him. Different country, different school, different people, culture, language; everything is different here.

It’s nearing to my third year of living here and i still don’t know how i feel about my life here. It was different back in my home country. I had freedom. I had it all. A lot of friends, popularity, and liberty of experimenting.

But i don’t have that here, and i can’t quite understand if i miss it or hate it. Sometimes i want to go back. Life in this country is very different. I’m different. Maybe it’s because i live with both of my parents. Or maybe it’s because i changed.

I don’t know. Figuring out who you are is part of growing up, but do we have the liberty to do that? Do we all feel free or do we feel trapped in the cage of our parent’s creation? I want to figure out me. I want to know what i want and what i feel and this time of life is so confusing for all of us. Sometimes our parents have to let us go and explore this teenage years while we still have them and time is running. But we can’t catch it, or can we?