I Do…..For Now
Elizabeth Taylor, Larry King,Lana Turner,and Mickey Rooney .What do all these people have in common? Well yeah they are celebrities, but considering how many times they’ve been married and divorced; there really isn’t anything worth celebrating over. Just at the brink of the the 1970’s there was a 20 % increase in the rate of of divorce to marriage; since then,that number has remained at a steady and constant rate, slightly increasing and decreasing.This information, provided by the U.
S Census Bureau of 2004 , has not only left us pondering over how half of the marriages in the U.S will end up, but has us questioning why it is so and what could be done to save them. With varying opinions and insights, people have approached the idea of what an ideal marriage is like from different angles.Nonetheless, it is doubtless they all strive for a common goal-a relationship that is rich in trust, respect,love and friendship. In William Shakespeare’s Macbeth, Will manifests the idea that without communication and a mutual understanding of one another, a couple can never truly achieve the high levels of intimacy and marital happiness they so desire in their relationship.
By the middle of the story, it becomes clear that Macbeth and Lady Macbeth’s marriage isn’t exactly what you’d call a “healthy relationship”. From the first moment she is introduced to the play, we see a controlling and domineering wife and a husband unwilling to take charge.When Macbeth is reunited with her for the first time Lady Macbeth; already drunk with the prospect of being queen, introduces her plot of killing Duncan, all the while fully aware of his strong devotion and loyalty to the king.Any reputable wife would see this and not take charge either because of respect to her husbands feelings, or fear of what would happen should he turn her in as a traitor. Lady Macbeth is not like this, thus to his reply “We will speak farther.
(p.13)”, curtly responds ” Only look up clear; To alter favour ever is to fear: Leave all the rest to me.(p.13) Macbeth, in his unwillingness to readily comply to her wishes, communicates to her that he is uncomfortable and unwilling to go with her plans. Lady Macbeth is blinded to this because she is too busy pursuing her own needs to think of giving sacrificially, and without reservation, for the benefit and well being of her husband. In this way, she has further expanded the gap that lays between them and a successful marriage.
In sharing one’s innermost thoughts and freely expressing feelings, a couple becomes the best of lifelong friends because they are comfortable around and trustworthy of each other. From the first exchange, Macbeth’s hesitation in agreeing to Lady Macbeth’s plans hints to his dissent of it,yet his inability to freely communicate this to her implements a certain sort of insecurity and distrust in their relationship. As we later see, it is because of her accusing nature and failure to support, let alone and encourage, her husbands in his claims.Macbeth after finally coming around and voicing his opinion, is met with insults and taunts.”Was the hope drunk Wherein you dressed yourself? Hath it slept since? And wakes it now, to look so green and pale At what it did so freely? From this time Such I account thy love.
Art thou afeard To be the same in thine own act and valor As thou art in desire? Wouldst thou have that Which thou esteem’st the ornament of life, And live a coward in thine own esteem, Letting “I dare not” wait upon “I would, ” Like the poor cat i’ th’ adage?…What beast was’t, then,That made you break this enterprise to me? When you durst do it, then you were a man; And to be more than what you were, you would Be so much more the man. Nor time nor place Did then adhere, and yet you would make both. They have made themselves, and that their fitness now Does unmake you.
I have given suck, and know How tender ’tis to love the babe that milks me. I would, while it was smiling in my face, Have pluck’d my nipple from his boneless gums And dash’d the brains out, had I so sworn as you Have done to this.(p.17) Lady Macbeth goes so far as to question his manhood, and base his choice on cowardice and deficiency. Macbeth is forced into accepting this idea and in his cry “Please, stop! I dare to do only what is proper for a man to do. He who dares to do more is not a man at all.
(p.17) is reduced (once again) to a subordinate stature. Morally this is wrong in all entirety, and even worse considering that they have bound the knot in matrimony. It’s expected that as couples mature in their relationship; love,communication, and respect, should be a natural byproduct.When husbands and wives feel free to voice opinions without being criticized, and share ideas and aspirations with a partner who is like minded, communicating becomes second nature.
After the deed that Macbeth carried out with a heavy heart, he relates to Lady Macbeth the voices he heard condemning him to no sleep for the imbalance he had caused the universe. She brushes it off as none but imaginings and instead tells him to go back and smear his hands on the dead soldiers. But he is too struck with fear to return to the scene of the crime. “I can’t go back. I’m afraid even to think about what I’ve done.
I can’t stand to look at it again. (p.23)Because she is use to getting what she wanted the way in which she was most comfortable operating, she is taken aback by this outburst. “Infirm of purpose!! Give me the daggers. Dead and sleeping people can’t hurt you any more than pictures can. Only children are afraid of scary pictures.
If Duncan bleeds I’ll paint the servants’ faces with his blood. We must make it seem like they’re guilty.(p.23) She is unaware that Macbeth too is a person with feelings and emotions and sometimes, like in this case, he may be unsure of himself or afraid to take a step. Understanding was then not achieved because of the way it was communicated.
As it’s been stressed repeatedly, communication is good. Yelling though and increasing ones voice is not a form of communication one should practice because it not only yields negative results but also promotes an unhealthy interactions between spouses (or anyone in general).Yelling unleashes lots of strong, negative emotion. No matter what you are trying to communicate at that point, the emotion is going to take center stage. That’s what captures the listener’s attention most.
Spoken messages will be diminished or even misunderstood, because the partner has been setup to be defensive and frustrated rather than responsive and understanding-as is the case between Macbeth and Lady Macbeth.It’s not that expressing strong emotions when speaking is bad,but yelling goes well beyond the line. It sets the stage for an exchange of heated emotions rather than clearly communicated words. Even if the emotion is the message in need of sharing, a purely emotional exchange can easily transform into an exhausting, destructive habit. At some point, emotions need to be communicated in a way that allows you to move past them, not fuel them.
Macbeth and Lady Macbeth were thus unsuccessful in achieving the high levels of intimacy and marital happiness they so desired in their relationship because of their complete lack of communication. In turn, everything else desired in a relationship- such as trust, respect,confidence, true love, security and friendship, were never acquired because of lack of this key element.Communication in turn not only includes verbal communication, but the ability to compromise, understand, and take your partner’s needs into consideration as well as being able to read into emotional needs and wants.In the long run communication is important in a relationship mostly in part of its ability to aid in creating a connection between the partners, enabling them to share ideas, and build a proper understanding.To do otherwise would be setting one’s relationship or marriage up for failure and as seen in current cases-eventually lead to divorce.
With this tool in hand, celebrities and common people can pursue healthy long lasting marriages and actually achieve them. In this way, statistics would decrease and an envisioned divorce-free future would come into play.
