Watashiwa niginai….

Watashiwa nigi nai, khiste (I won’t run away, never) I am not a good person, I am in no way courageous and I don’t have the least of respect for the words of people I don’t care about. I am completely overpowered by my pride and my thought of being right in the every little thing that I do. I know that I know me more than any other person in this world and I know my actions are the best. In other words I am just another face in this crowd of a billion of similar beings, similar to me and similar to one another. My life, it’s just a normal life that is, a life of a 15 year old student ready to face my future as it is.

My pride, making me believe that I will always be looked up to and praised about. My actions will always be copied and people will get their inspiration from me. I will be like the new face of this modern world but there it went away all of it…

I had thought that my actions will make people who care about me proud but in my race to search for my future a fabulous one at that I forgot one important thing the most important one. I was dreaming of the future when I was running that race the race to turn out being the best of what ceded to exist I completely disregarded that I needed to watch my way and this small mistake of mine turned out making this small of a stone the only reason why I tripped and I fell down. This time I fell, I fell down hard. Magnifying my pain of falling down and hurting myself deepening my open wound I comprehended that I had been left behind, left behind alone to cry in the midst of shame, regret, sorrow and pain. This was like the biggest nightmare for me.

It haunted me for many days, for many nights. In this period there was absolutely nothing that diverted my attention from it, from my failure of my own expectations, of my sister’s confidence in me, of my father’s faith and of the greatest teacher’s trust. I had robbed myself and them of their belief. I had thought that they wouldn’t be able to have faith in me not ever. I had let them down, I had let myself down. But this remained as a thought…………… Because those people they never stopped believing in me.

They started pushing me to grow and be better. Then I realized that it was just me, I had been just dreaming of nonsense when these people they were thinking of ways to help me, just so that I wouldn’t have to feel that way again. So I want to let you know something now, something I just realized… “I know that I fell down and hurt myself. But I am determined to get up and dust my feet, wave back to the people rooting for me and start running again. Watashiwa nigi nai,not now not ever. I know that my feet I shaking because I fell hard and I again got left behind but I am aware of the fact that the distance between me and the finish line is just the same.

So, now I will run harder then ever for the sake of those people that continued to believe in me. I promise to make a difference and I will run till the end because now I believe in myself, I have all the faith in the worlds for my work. I believe that I can be better and do better. I realized that I do not have to be the same as the other billions of faces, I have to change myself because I know I am worth it. So, I will never run away from any race in life, this minor set back won’t change me.

I will see, I will fight and I will win.”