A Toast For Consistency
The world displays change as a good thing. Why is it never shown as a bad thing? Well, it can be, I have seen this, done this. My mother prods me to change consistently and unrelentingly just so her “miserable” life could be the happiest that she could imagine.
I have forced myself to change to her will and to change in a certain manner so that I could integrate into society as popular like all the cool kids. Well at least the ones that I thought were cool. My personality took such a beating, changing so many times that my true one never had the time to catch up…therefore losing myself in the process. My current personality is only temporary…I change myself…mold myself into matching the new crowd. It’s a habit…a reflex that is me. So while all of you are wishing away the things you would like to change…which most I am sure will be superficial and unnecessary changes…I will be brooding, attempting to find myself in the sea of confusion.
I toast for consistency. Several people would want to change their looks, their financial situations. Normal people want to change a lot of things to make their exterior life, their materialistic life so much better. I want only one change, the type of change that puts my inner self at ease. The certain alteration that allows me to be me and only me.
Adults say things such as, “well just stop acting like them…act like you”, but what they obviously can not conceive is the reality in which I have forgotten who I am. How am I supposed o be myself if there is no visible trace to it? I do not know how to be myself…I only know how to conform to others. It really doesn’t help that people compare others either. Our community displays such thing as an “Elite Person”. People are compared to these “Elite Persons”. Are consistently told to act like, think like, and be like these people.
Why can’t we be ourselves? I listened to others and forgot myself because I did what they said. Don’t you think others haven’t? That you haven’t lost some of yourself? The victims feel unappreciated and some go to extremes. In the world, women go anorexic, Men abuse steroids. All to meet the “standard” look. The “standard” person.
Why put ourselves in danger? The violence, the murders, all because we feel disrespected, herded. The pressure to change. Its hell on Earth to some. We bully each other into being one uniform world…for our differences. The world is prejudice and has always been.
The question is…Will it always be? I continue to morph my personality, as a survival technique. My moods change and I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder with a 65% chance of myself splitting into several different personalities. The pressure of Change did this to me and it can do this to you as well. I do not know the next time I will change to fit the crowd or to go against it. My personality has long since done its own thing and rolls whichever it wishes.
So I Do not Toast for change…I Toast for Consistency.