English Case Study
Although fathers constitute a minority of one parent families, over half a million men are rearing their children alone. There has been a steady increase of single fathers in the last decade; many believe this is due to marital instability. Unlike the past, when mothers were automatically granted custody, there is now genuine concern as to who is the better parent suited to care for the children.
In Toddy’s case, his then wife decided she no longer wished to play the mother and wife role, but lusted after the life of a single, carefree, woman in her twenties.
She chose a path of drugs, alcohol, and sex, leaving behind her former life and her hillier. History shows us that the father usually assumed the role of a single parent only when there was maternal mortality, today father’s Like Todd, are doing It open- heartedly, and putting their lives on the back burners for the physical and emotional needs of their children. Consequently, when a father attempts to raise his children alone, he must do so without clear guidelines, roadman or role clarity.
There are no “Daddy and Me” classes no “What to Expect When You Suddenly Take Over Daddy & Mommy” books.
When in a “normal” family, it is expected that the mother is to reform expressive functions and take on the emotional role, while the father is expected to perform the Instrumental responsibility of providing for the family. Fathers who function alone in today’s society are forced to make a psychological U- turn and become bread winner, nurturer, disciplinarian, chef, and housekeeper. In the Harris family, Todd performs both roles Independently Just as well as both of my parents did together.
He has worked a physically demanding, third shift Job for the last 14 years. This is not due to lack of education, or desire to follow his dreams.
This is the only way he can support his children on his own. He suffers through the life of a third shift worker so he may be there to get his children on the bus in the morning, and to do homework and check the closet for monsters in the evening. He feels the best gift he could ever give his children was his time, his love and his encouragement. Men are historically notorious for not being physically affectionate.
Sometimes due to lack of affection from their fathers or they just can’t express themselves in that way, even though children receive much of their confidence In how parents show affection. A physically affectionate father can promote better self- esteem and confidence.
With their mother absent from the home, Todd assumed the responsibility of caring for the physical and emotional needs of both the children. When en took over ten solo act AT Ralston Nils c Rene, 000 was a natural. He was raised by only his father for much of his life; hence he had the ideals for single fatherhood embedded into his soul.
Fathers are more likely than mothers to encourage children to explore the outer levels of their competence and withstand frustration. They do more direct training and cognitive stimulation, their play has a coaching emphasis, and they tend toward puzzles, word games, and learning toys.
As hillier get older, one area where fathers frequently concentrate is in helping their offspring navigate through specific life crises, for instance those surrounding puberty. An anxiety that many men face who are raising daughters, is talking with them about menstruation and sexual topics.
How do they talk to them, how can a father be a sympathetic as a mother to these sensitive topics? Not knowing enough about the subject himself, Todd researched and studied about the female reproductive system to educate himself before teaching his daughter. Not able to even purchase tampons at one point in time, he spoke with her about menses, production and sensitive female issues. His daughter later expressed her amazement that her father went to such lengths to teach her what her mother could not.
He has found it extremely difficult to find help from anyone outside of his family. The social services of most communities, state and county, are run mostly by women. With this comes an attitude to help those like themselves: single mothers. So, when a woman walks into an agency, she is determined Just by mere fact of having children and being at the agency doors, she is in need, and shall receive some assistance. For men, it is drastically different.
Men have a natural compulsion to not reach out for help from anyone but their family.
Most men have been raised to take care of things, to make the money for the family, to handle whatever comes their way, while still being the strong shoulder to lean or cry on. When a man walks into an agency for assistance, he is immediately assaulted with looks which ask, “What are you doing here? ” Many fathers have reported a negative attitude in state and community agencies, in school functions, and within the neighborhood in which they live. Fathers find women are quite open to watching another single mother’s children, but will shun the single father.
Single fathers need the same help single mothers need, but often do not receive it.
When Todd was newly divorced, he was forced to take over providing everything the children required to thrive in day to day life. With no help from his ex, he had no choice but to file paperwork for child support. He has told me that every time he walks into the domestic relations office, he is pelted with nasty glances, “here comes another dead beat dad” attitudes, and plain rudeness until they mind out he is the one receiving support.
Saying, poor me, “I’m Just a single dad” is what most men in his situation would have done; instead Todd focuses his time and energy into molding his children into confident, well rounded adolescents. He told me once “l don’t try to be a mom, I don’t see myself as Just a single father.
Dads are different, and my children love it. We play in mud puddles, let the laundry pile up and go fishing instead and eat pancakes for dinner. Even though their mother isn’t here, I love them as much, and raise them Just as well as two parents put together. “