Red Blues

Three wise women once said “Don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the lakes and rivers that you’re used to.

“I always thought that we were real good entertainment for the aliens. You know, with the everyday drama that goes on. Betrayal , ignorance greed and angry people. Growing up I had it good. Maybe not as good as others but it was good. When I became a teen I wanted to see the world even though I had the beach.

When I went to the street I wasn’t out doing drugs , going to clubs every night or sleeping in every man’s bed. I was just simply enjoying the freedom. Staying out all the time through the hours of the night I eventually ran into him. I feel in love with someone who could never truly love me back. At first I though it was true and because of that I will never forget him.

When I first met him I knew that he got around, loved the streets and would never leave it but somehow I was attracted to him. I guess it was his loyalty to his close ones or how he was so free to do whatever. He was three years older than me and I wasn’t quite legal yet but we didn’t care. I was young and naive. That excuse that we all use after we succeeded a huge mistake that we truly regret and he my friend was my biggest fear. He had me doing things I’ve never done before.

He was the dealer and the stoner with the sweetest kiss I’ve ever known. He was my pilot jones. He took me high then he took me home. He had his own place so sometimes I would stay over there. One day he made me so mad when he called me a baby because I wouldn’t smoke with him.

I was so over it, him and the streets. They were no good and never did anything for me except hurt me. That night I went home and apologized to my parents for everything I had put them through. Everything was cool they were just happy that I was home again. Good things won’t last forever and I was about to wake up from my dream. Misery loves company and he was back, stumbling across my lawn.

As fast as I could I ran down the stairs and out the door to meet him on my porch right before he was about to ring my doorbell. Was he crazy ?Or did he not know what time it was. When I heard him talk I knew what was up. He was stuttering more than a 5 year old kid who just got in trouble. Maybe it was the liquor talking but he told me he loved me. My heart warmed up to him halfway that night.

I lid him down on the bed. I couldn’t let him wonder around drunk, I knew how he was and he would’ve gone to jail. Next thing I knew he was reaching up my blouse. No I didn’t want a child but I haven’t been given attention like this in a while from the dealer and the stoner with the sweetest kiss Ive ever known .I really missed it so that night I gave into temptation.

When it was over I regretted every minute of it. How could I do this I was above sin in so many ways . then all of a sudden he stood up and asked where the bathroom was perfectly.How did he suddenly become sober ? When he came back he mustve read my face. He told me that I thought that I was better than everyone else in the streets and that I was ging to rot just like him.

He repeatedly asked me how could I leave him with a goodbye. He made me feel guilty.He started yelling two months ver and over again. I just wanted him to hush so I told him what he wanted to hear. I tried to explain to him how I was going to come back but he wasn’t buying it.

He kept calling me a liar. It was cool, I understood. By that time I wanted him out. I remember the very first time I told him that I loved him. He told me to never fall in love with a gut like him.

I wished I listened to him but wishing is for five year olds. I don’t even know why I was trying to keep a grown man sober. He finnaly left right after he told me to go to the clinic. I didn’t pay him no mind. I erased that night from my memory. Seven months later I was constantly getting weaker as the days went by.

Every time I looked onto the mirror I was looking at a more sadder and pathetic me. Two days later I collapsed at a grocery store and was rushed to the hospital. I was seventeen years young when I died from Aids.