The Love of the Theatre

The best moments of my life flash for an instant. I experience something I’ve never felt before and every essence of my being enjoys it. The hair on the back of my neck stands up and I feel the energy wash over me.

I feel the emotions of every single person because they all feel the same thing at once. It’s the feeling of wonder, happiness, and excitement. Those few moments can be summed up as some of the best I’ve ever had. And yet, what do I do when they’re over? What do I do when all that is taken away and everything is packed up? Where do I go when the light is switched off and the door is closed? I don’t belong out there. I look longingly back to my place, the place where I have routinely been for days, weeks, even months on end.

I can’t help but feel a pang of sorrow for the place that I won’t be at for a long time. I spend every waking moment thinking about my job. I dream about it, I breathe it, I taste it. It is me, and I am it. Everything I am belongs in the there. And yet I’m locked out.

And yet I have to press on into the normal world. But what is normal? What am I supposed to do? This is such a part of me that when it stops being there it feels like something has been ripped from my chest only to be waved in front of my face, just out of reach. Sure, I know there’s the promise of the future, and I know there’s more to come, but what about now? The future seems an age away and I don’t want to wait that long. I want to find every possible excuse and every pathway through, every loophole, every side step, anything I can do to get back to that place. I want to hear that roar, feel that energy, and hear that same laugh escaping my own lips.

I yearn for more. So instead I plod along. I raise my head to what’s next, and I already begin planning. I wait, I watch, and I listen for my next chance. This is everything that I am, and I cannot wait to be me again.

I cannot wait until that moment when everything will be good and whole again. I cannot stand another minute without my true passion. I cannot wait for another show in the theatre that I love so much. The theatre is me, and I am the theatre. It is a living thing just as much as I am, and I am strangely in touch with it. I can feel its emotions, whether it’s upset or overjoyed or just plain annoyed.

It sounds truly insane but then again, so am I. When something is such a massive part of your life, it becomes part of you. A part that you never want to leave behind.