Adieu to College Essays!
One life changing moment. The one memory I cannot forget. How do you decide that? Is it the time someone in my family died and I was overcome with grief or was it the day I realized that I had a greater purpose in life? Is there anyone else out there who struggles as I do to capture that moment in time ( with a word limit of 650 ) that has “shaped” me to be “the person you are today”? I close my eyes and try to think of all the things that have impacted me.
The essay that should be about finding myself takes me farther and farther away from myself. Maybe I should be courageous and brave. Maybe I should be portrayed as a feminist? an activist? a child prodigy? My mother always told me I was special… Maybe.
.. …Too many questions.
I close my eyes and wait for nostalgia to hit me in the face- that Eureka moment when I suddenly jump up and start writing the perfect essay. Eureka! I can write about all the stuff I volunteer for, except for the fact that thousands of teenagers probably share the same bright idea and write about their latest trip to Africa. How can I tell the colleges that I don’t believe in “volunteering” because I think ‘It’ll look good on the transcript’ approach is not the one I want to take. I am sick of people looking at Nepali people who are in poverty and treating them like another charity case. What happened to the good old ‘they’re human, I’m human.
Therefore, I can be a little compassionate and help them’ approach? I am sick of people who supposedly ‘love’ nature but cannot be bothered to pick up a chocolate wrapper and throw it in the dustbin? Yep, colleges will definitely love my cynical perspective of life. They want to know the real me but what they don’t realize is that the real me isn’t always happy, isn’t always learning from experiences and isn’t always confident. I listen to Disney songs when I’m sad or disappointed and my favourite hobby is watching the sunset. Do they really want to know that my favourite ice-cream is banana and strawberry or that I have four dogs that I love? What will happen even if I end up writing about a deeply personal moment in time. I’ll have to letpeople whose very names I don’t know see my onememory that I hold special.
I feel scared. What if they rip my dreams to sheds? The thought of being denied is nowhere as scary as the notion that my memory doesn’t matter; that my magic moment is not extraordinary enough.What if despite all the things that I choose to put on paper, I am rejected? That’s where the real fear lies, not in whether the essay is good enough, but whether I am good enough. Alas, there is no escape! I can rant all I want but I guess in the end I’ll succumb to this test. I’ll pour my heart out and know that even if they don’t see that magic moment, it will still be magical for me. I’ll just write one and say goodbye to this task once and for all…won’t I?