Selling Oreoes

Need some guidelines on how to achieve as an Oreo salesperson? Follow these simple steps and remember, you CAN sell your Oreos to that donkey! STEP ONE: Look the part. Donkeys aren’t just going to throw money at someone in jeans and a t-shirt, now are they? No. Some people opt for a suit, but if you really want to gain the donkey’s attention, dress in a different kind of suit! Dress in a donkey suit! Complete with a tail, hooves, the essentials! STEP TWO: Approach him/ her. Don’t be afraid to say “sir” or “ma’am” with out what sex they REALLY are.

Donkeys are used to people NOT knowing what sex they are! It’s okay. The donkey will get over it if you say the wrong thing. The only way you MIGHT be able to tell if it’s a male or female, would be what they are wearing. But, sadly, donkeys prefer to not wear any clothes. Gross, right? STEP THREE: Be polite. Just because donkey’s are animals, doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings! You wouldn’t want to see a donkey cry, would you? Because, believe me, it’s not as funny as you would think! Donkey’s love compliments! Compliment them on how smooth their fur is! Or how shiny their hooves are! All in all, be nice.

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STEP FOUR: Crack a few jokes. We’ve all seen the movies where donkeys are anthropomorphized. Why leave it all on the screen? Say something like, “Wow, you even have dragons falling head over heels for you! She must have seen you crossing the rickety bridge over that boiling lake of lava with that big green thing.” STEP FIVE (for females): Cuteness does help. I mean, come on, when does it not? Bat your eyelashes, punch his arm, or hoof or whatever, playfully.

But be careful, donkeys are a lot less firm on their feet than humans. They fall over easier. But don’t get cocky. You don’t want to come off as needy. Then no one will buy from you.

You wouldn’t want that, would you? No. STEP FIVE (for males): Oh, well, wait, I’ve got something! Don’t read the step five for the females. You’ll probably just make it awkward if you bat your eyelashes. So, yeah, just don’t even read the last step five. STEP SIX( for everyone): Make your way slowly to the forms and signatures and such. If you rush, the donkey might think you’re needy.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: You don’t want to come off as needy. STEP SEVEN: Finish with a BOOM. Let the donkey taste some of your Oreos. If you really want him, or her (we still aren’t sure what sex they are), to buy from you, let them taste some of the product. Got it all? I sure hope so. With these tips, I assure you, you can sell your Oreos to the donkey right over there.

If you really need to, go over this list before you approach the donkey. Try and engrain it into your memory. Then you’ll always have it with you. Have a good time selling your Oreos!