Crying to howling
Murmuring to screaming
Heating to burning
I lost
Control

Things are competitive, in a society that keeps improving. I used to go along with the world’s step. I used to have the passion to compete for the best, to keep stepping on other branches to reach the top of the tree. I arranged my schedule ” stiff”, with not even a tiny,thin crack, I attended competitions and tests continuously. I don’t care about how others feel, even if the branches break and bleed, I wouldn’t know.

As an illuminating fire burnt to its ‘bluest’ flames, the highest temperature, most enormous size, it exploded,erupted into pieces of nothing, but dispersed as smoke. Slowly, I wandered through life, as William Wordsworth “wandered as a lonely cloud”, I floated, without any burden to bear.

But what the others saw wasn’t me, but the ugly, black ashes I left behind; they thought that’s me. They smirked, look down on me, be so proud as the once champion fell and collapsed.

I then let go of all. I lost the control formed by self-consciousness. I lost the control that kept pushing me, surging me forwards to the pointy top.I lost, the competitive me.

And so, my heart sang, as the singer Ellie Goulding did,” God knows I’m not dying but I bleed now; and God knows it’s the only way to heal now.”

I am escaping before I freeze
My soul traveling as a breeze
I forgot
The thing they called lost
But I remember
How much more I’ve got.

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I'm Emmie!

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