Modest Proposal

For the reduction of people reaching a weight that will, endanger their health, and also ruin their image in the eyes of society.

We’ve all been to an amusement park and witnessed the following scenario: an overweight gentleman or lady who just can’t seem to, fasten their safety belt or, adjust their harness to the proper position. This is all due to the inexplicable amount of weight they’ve put on. Often times you see that overweight person’s child standing nearby flushed with embarrassment. The overweight parent is usually told they cannot be on the ride, and the child is left to ride alone. The issue is never actually dealt with, but instead continues to worsen.

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A small cupcake becomes a whole cake, and as the choices become higher in sugar and fats, the person’s inability to perform a simple exercise becomes worse as well. Clothing becomes a difficulty as well; zippers won’t zip up and buttons unfasten due to the large weight being withheld. With all of this comes a series of bypass surgeries, liposuctions, etc. These people are not only disappointments to themselves, but also to our nation as a whole. It’s time to prevent the problem before it happens.

For now on, obesity will be a federal crime. A doctor’s appointment for every 2 months will be required of every citizen. If an individual is found to be approaching a disgusting weight they will be subject to at least ten community service hours. As If an individual is found to be obese, they will be incarcerated with absolutely no chance of bail. While in jail, the overweight individual will begin a workout routine and will also begin a clean diet. Once minor weight loss is obtained, the individual will be released on probation.

They will be required to check up with a doctor every three weeks in order to prove that the weight loss routine is still being followed. After one incarceration, the offender will need to begin to pay fines if they continue to gain vast amounts of weight. Fines will commence at $500 and can reach the amount of $2500. After the fifth offense, the individual will be assigned “the final solution”. They will be required to use an elliptical that will transform their energy into electricity and power for a house or building. The time they will be assigned to that house or building is determined by how fast they are able to get into shape.

If they fail to cooperate with this initiative or simply do not try hard enough, they will be given a lethal injection. After all, they are now worthless to society. This policy must be enforced for a variety of reasons. First, it will reduce the number of bullied victims. Bullying may never be resolved but if people aren’t overweight, they aren’t as prone to being bullied.

Second it will cause a decrease in people being hospitalized for diseases or sudden health problems. Hospitals will see a decrease in people with Big Mac blood types. Third, people will be less stressed. Working out is known to be a good stress reliever. Fourth, the fine collection will help to decrease the nation’s debt.

Fifth, people will learn personal responsibility and discipline from this workout policy, a skills many of us lack. Lastly, suicide and mental disorders will be affecting less people. Being overweight may cause eating disorders and can also traumatize a person. This proposal not only helps the common individual but it also aids our nation as a whole. Many people might be against this idea.

Some may think it’s far too strict and that the government shouldn’t implement so much control. Others might say that it’s a touchy subject, one that the government has no say in. It might even be said that enforcing this policy could do the opposite, and destroy the self-esteem of the whole nation. No one wants to be told that their homeland is punishing them for being a bit heavier. My response to this opposition would be who can disagree with this idea when it means a favorite pair of jeans will fit again? Also, this proposal could bring our nation back to a more prosperous time.

We all know that the obese rich people can easily pay off the nation’s debt, once the policy is put forth. Along with that, so many negative aspects of the world could finally be eliminated. For all we know, world peace could be achieved. So for now on, obesity will cease to be a problem in today’s society. Overweight individuals will now have to pay the price for their love affair with chocolate cake.

People will no longer have to face the embarrassment of being that one person who can’t fit in the rollercoaster anymore. Not only will each individual’s confidence increase because of this, but a huge national problem might even be solved. It’s time for our nation’s biggest criminals to be punished for repeating their unhealthy offenses. America will no longer be associated with a bacon wrapped donut, but instead with a crisp refreshing salad. It’s time for everyone to stop being lazy, and to do something about the excess weight that is ruining America’s image.