The Truth

I’m going to preface this by telling you the truth – the whole truth; nothing but the truth – so help me God. I’m going to tell you something you probably anticipated from me but probably disappoints you as well. Something that I’m not proud of, and something I could’ve avoided, but didn’t.

So forgive me, Mrs. Abshire, for I have sinned. I did not read the book. In fact, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the desks in your room lined up in some sort of circle of Hell, and then I realized that this hell was in the form of a Socratic Seminar. Of course, I am a heretic of preparation, and I proceeded to read the SparkNotes I downloaded at 11:29 last night on my Kindle two minutes before the bell rang and all while you were explaining the directions. You could say I’m intelligent but I don’t apply myself, you could tell me to hightail it out of AP English, you could judge me and think of me as a slacker; I’ve been through it all before.

In fact, we’ve all been through it before, some more than others. But as I sat at the desk I had strategically chosen to avoid all eye contact with you, I realized then that, although I was probably not the the biggest disappointment you had ever met, I was most decidedly the biggest one I had. And now that I’ve told you the truth about the seminar, I’m going to tell you a different truth; one about myself, because I didn’t used to be like this. I wasn’t always so jaded and lifeless, and I didn’t always not care. I used to be so pure – so hopeful. I used to be someone I’m afraid I may not become again.

What I’m up against may be too much. And forgive me, there’s not much of a story here to tell. I’m not going to blame my change on anyone but myself, but I fear I have become someone I hate. I was an angel, but then I snapped. I fell. I wasted away.

And I am still wasting. I’m riding the wave I made before I snapped, but all waves die away, and so will I, if nothing happens. But before I finish, I have one last whole truth: I’ll be okay. I have faith in myself. There is a certain distinction between me and other slackers – I am willing to change.

So I promise you right now, at 4:06PM on September 29, 2018, that I will change. I am not who you thought I was when you started reading this, but I hope I am someone better when you finish. So, that was the truth. The whole truth. Nothing but the truth.

And in these truths I have made two realizations: 1) I have made few people proud of what I’ve done in the last six months. 2) I will make you proud of who I am in the six to come.