Newspeak

The first day of my freshman year of high school, I got lost. Somewhere between third and fourth period, my schedule disappeared.

I spent about fifteen minutes wandering the campus until I located the counselor’s office and printed out another copy, then another ten minutes looking for my class. I cautiously entered, found a seat: mortified, and exhaled a sigh of relief that I seemed to have handled the situation discreetly. Tomorrow morning marks the first day of my senior year, and I realize I’m still lost. I still ask myself “Where am I, and where am I going?” I am still the little girl searching the big school for any hope that she will soon attend an even bigger college where her huge dreams will be condensed to fit the constraints of her miniscule dorm…

Or something to that effect. In spite of any doubts, I can say with confidence that the past three years have prepared to make the decisions of this next one. Simplified, high school is just a crash course in decision-making. I chose: to be a decent student, to be a good friend, to dedicate fully to a few causes close to my heart; and my parents chose to celebrate my minor scholastic achievements. I’ve yet to decide what I make of this whole blur high school has been to me, but I know that this year my sense of being lost is not the same as freshman year. I’m lost, but not scared; confused, but not worried.

I’ve finally caught on to the idea that everything will fall into place when a person does all the right things, and to my own standard, I have. So, to all you terrified freshmen: it’s okay to not have a firm grasp of what’s going on these next few weeks, or months, or year. No one ever has. And to all you seniors who have barely perfected high-school life, only to begin preparing to be plunged into something entirely different: it’s okay to not have a firm grasp of what’s going on these next few weeks, or months, or year. No one ever has.