They are crowding around me. All of them.
Edging my way into a corner in the girl’s locker room. I’m too much like a Barbie they say. They only see whats on the outside; on the inside I’m broken. It’s all a lie. I’m too annoying they say.
Their frowns gang up on me. Their voices soon become mute. Their mouths and evil hand gestures move into a state of confusion; slow motion. I scream telling them to leave before i explode. They don’t listen. I try to push some of them out of the way so i can leave.
I really need to try to count to ten before i lose it. I leave the locker room. I see my coach on the way out, she is clueless. I left with my sister- she brought me to my refuge. I don’t tell my parents right away. My walk seems fine, but i want to drag my feet and let my heart sink.
All i wanted to do was just give out and drop on the ground and cry until I cant cry anymore. I can’t. My brain was tied in a knot and after I reached my room I couldn’t fight it anymore. I let the tears finally fall. I can’t let anyone see me cry. Its a fear I have.
It makes me feel like I’ve lost my dignity and most of all, my strength. I poured my feelings out, only to soak it back in again. I sat against my door with my head buried in my hands hoping i could cry without being disturbed. I got my wish. No one came up the stairs. My vision got blurry.
My tears left a trail of moistness on my cheek. I can’t change this. I finally fell into a never-ending sleep; only to wake up and do it all again tomorrow. The bullying, the crying, undying pain.