Screw It All

Okay. So, everyone knows who Mulan is. Everyone (if you don’t, then you have no childhood). In the movie Mulan II (yes, there’s a second movie), there are these three princesses who are complexed with the royal concept of “duty to [their] country”, which is symbolized by their engagement to random princes in Mongolia. However, Mulan teaches them that they also have a “duty to [their] heart”, in which incites them to follow their dreams and wishes and love and whatever. So, here I am, a nearly college girl, and I am stuck between the “duty to my future” and the “duty to my heart”.

I’m torn, completely and utterly torn. We all know what it’s like to be torn. I have an absolute passion for writing, but I also love the medical field. Pharmacology is basically low-key Sherlock Holmes’ in scrubs, and that sounds awesome. In other words, I still have no idea what I’m doing while everyone else is so sure of their future.

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I met a girl who’s had Stanford looking at her resumes and crap since seventh grade, made the front of the Teen Ink magazine three times, and has been to some amazing places. If she ever reads this, she’ll probably be surprised and somewhat embarrassed that I even remember all that. But I do. And I am so hopelessly jealous. She’s got it made. And, believe me, she probably worked through sweat and blood to get there.

But wait, that’s not even the worst. My friend’s boyfriend is a complete genius who is one year younger than me and has done research on the duckweed complex or something, some genetic modifications with college researchers, and has gotten fives on all six or seven of his AP Exams. Yeah, I know. But me? I have no idea what I’m going to do because, according to my parents, creative writing doesn’t “take you very far”. Well, god, how far do you want me to go? And it’s not like I can just say, “Mom, Dad, this is what I want to do” because, in the end, who’s probably going to make the sacrifice to be in debt until the day they die for the sake of their baby girl? I definitely have no daughters so there’s that.

But Mulan, man. Mulan knows what she’s doing. She saved China. She saved China. She was in the freaking army during a time when women were subjugated as law and culture. Honor was everything and she decided to screw it all and put her hair in a ponytail and ride off in the rain.

How did she do that? How. Did. She. Do. That.

Well, I guess, in some ways I save my own China. For example, at this very moment (6:40 p.m. Wednesday) on the first cool day of California fall, I’m supposed to be doing my AP homework. How’s that for riding off in the rain? So then. I didn’t really start this to complain and tell you all about my issues, but I came to pronounce that I’m going to do it.

Yeah. I am. For real. For all those who think they’re alone and have no idea what they’re going to do and are so scared and have heart infarctions nearly every day for it, just letting you guys know, I’m shooting from the half-court blindfolded. Someone had to do it. Honestly, part of me is really scared I’m going to make the wrong decision.

But, hey, my hair’s in a ponytail. So screw it all.