Writing

“You have to write a four page paper covering the Civil War- due next week.” I cannot not tell which would be worse, writing this paper or stepping on a thumbtack? Or maybe shaving my head completely? Or not showering for a year? Or losing every single one of my friends? It definitely sounds like the worst thing right now would have to be: writing this paper.

It feels like just a couple years ago that I loved to write. I used to write personal non-fiction all the time when I was younger. I’m not quite sure what happened, but now I try to avoid as many writing assignments as possible. Perhaps it’s the long tedious, pointless essays that we were forced to write for school that ultimately ruined my interest in writing entirely. Nowadays, the only writing I ever do is for school, and that is the worst writing. I still have conflicted emotions about writing.

Sometimes amazing story plots bubble up inside my head and I wish I could stir my pot of imagination to cook up something worthwhile. I never do though. Now, it’s just essays and research papers being thrown into my face. The research papers are never about anything close to interesting; they might as well be the equivalent to sitting outside and watching grass grow. Anytime a writing assignment is given, I can feel my heart dropping. If it has to be anymore than two pages, I feel enraged and extremely tempted to walk out of the classroom.

The word ‘essay’ or ‘writing assignment’ just makes me think of what it always comes down to. The countless hours of typing. The time spent just trying to think about what you’ll write about. The procrastination until 12 A.M.

The lack of motivation to even try to focus on a dumb topic you care nothing about. All of that is what truly ruins writing. But I have to do it; I have to get the grade. It’s the only reason, though. Just for the grade.

Either way, it looks like I just survived yet another paper. Maybe I’ll eventually get better with this, because I know it’s only going to get worse. Hopefully one day I won’t cringe at the thought of writing. For now though, I’m just really happy to be done.